My Angel
by Abikinzz
Summary: Buffy deals with a broken heart.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 

**-POV of Buffy-**

The streets were dark. I suppose they would be, at 3 in the morning. Slightly damp too, it must have rained while I was at _his_.

The streets of Sunnydale were quiet, for a hellmouth. Well, I suppose with the Mayor's ascension impending, most of the little lurkers were preparing. Something I should be doing, instead of just numbly walking around, stalking like some predator. Only I was the prey this time, and Angel was my predator.

How could he have done this to me? The words echoed off the empty street; they rebounded like a bullet against my face. Maybe if I were different Angel would stay. Maybe if I were prettier; more interesting Angel would still love me.

How could he hurt me like this? I'd do anything for him, anything at all. I even killed him, and yet I still love him. How can he forget me like this? Does he not live for me anymore; does he not still love me like he did a week ago?

In my despair, I had failed to realize where I was walking. It was getting lighter; it must have been getting on for 5am. I had been walking about 2 hours; 2 hours of which I had no recollection of what I had just done. I was so very tired, I needed sleep, somewhere where Angel couldn't reach me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_It was dark. My eyes seemed to only catch glimpses of what was in front of me. I started to wonder whether I was __**meant**__ to see really what was there. I seemed to be standing in a graveyard; where two figures were embracing in front of me. The man was tall, dark and shockingly handsome. He was young, only in his twenties. The female, in contrast to the male, was ageing; far too old for him. I stepped forward, in hope to see more, to figure out this strange couple, when I stepped on a twig. It snapped, a harsh sound flashed across the plane. The woman looked up and stared at me. _

_She had green eyes, the exact match of mine. A look of horror flashed across her face, one which I presume matched the look on mine. A look of horror, when I realized that woman was me. It wasn't a random couple; it was me- with Angel._

_----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

I woke up, covered in beads of sweat. The place where I thought Angel couldn't touch me was the place he hurt me most.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The dreams seemed endless after that night. I never got Angel out of my head, he was attached to me. He was like a ghost; something I knew was there, but could never get rid of. Over the days I became restless, searching for comfort, never finding it. I tried my best to ignore everything, ditching classes, avoiding my friends, sneaking in and out of my house. The only duty I continued was patrolling- and if I'm honest, the only reason I did that was because I hoped in some way Angel would try and find me. He never did.

I lost track of days and time after Angel broke my heart. I ate, went to school, cut class, went back home, patrolled and slept. Mom was too sensitive to ask, so I escaped my mother's questions. It wasn't so easy hiding from my friends, namely Willow.

I was patrolling one night. It was dark, quiet and haunting in the graveyard. I could deal with that; after all, it's pretty much text book for me. I never thought I'd see Willow spring out from a crypt. She, of course, wanted to talk to me.

'I talked to Angel' Willow said, softly, almost a whisper. That was all it took, no more words, the silent tears just came. Willow walked to me, and sat me on a tomb. I curled into a ball, head on her lap, and sobbed for hours.

After what felt like a lifetime, I lifted up my head, and uttered five words.

'I feel like I'm dying Will.'

And with that, we needed no more words. Will took me home, and I slept.

'_**I love you'**_

'_**I need you'**_

'_**Stay with me forever'**_

_We were walking through a park. The sun was beaming, we had nothing to hide. Angel looked radiant in the sun, his hair seeming glittery in the sunlight. It made my heart ache, for I knew this would never be true._

_Angel looked at me, and smiled. His teeth were perfect, his eyes melted with mine; I wanted to be with him forever._

'_**I love you' **__He stared into my eyes. Those three words were too much for me. It hurt too much. I started to run._

'_**Buffy!' **__He called me, his voice deep with pain. I turned around. He reached out for me, his eyes longing for me. I started to walk back to him, my arm outstretched._

_Our hands reached for each other._

_He began to turn to dust._

'_**Angel!' **__I whispered, tears streaming._

_He was gone.  
_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Note from the author: This chapter has a POV change, it may get a bit confusing, so look out for indications as to whose POV it is ;)**_

Chapter 3

It seems I was making a pattern of this. It was raining, it was cold, and I was stalking the streets of Sunnydale late at night.

After my dream, I couldn't sleep. I could either stay up and cry, or get out of my house, and do something useful. I decided on the latter, as I had been lacking in my Slayer duties recently, I would make a few sweeps of the graveyard; kill a few nasties, hopefully take my anguish out on then.

I could possibly then go to Giles, whom I knew would be worried. I didn't like to worry anyone, but I just can't face it anymore. My friends can't help me, they don't understand. They have someone. Willow has Oz. Xander has Cordy. They don't understand what it's like to have your heart ripped out by the one you love. To have your first love, your first boyfriend, your first lover to tell you he doesn't love you. To have the one you trust the most let you down.

I wiped a silent tear from my cheek. How did _he _affect me like this? Since when was I the emotional one? I didn't get emotionally attached, not like Willow; it's no use when your night job is practically a suicidal one. I couldn't fall apart, not now. I had to stay strong. I started walking faster, into the darkness. The silence was comforting; I didn't want to hear anything. I was upset, and angry.

"Why did he do this to me?" I wondered aloud.

'Aww. Looks like the slayer's had a bit of a bad night,' a vicious voice ripped across the silence. I looked up, to see what I was facing. It was a rather fat vampire. If I was in a better mood I would have laughed.

'Ooh. Tough words from someone who will be dusted in 15 seconds. Listen _lard arse_, I've had a bad week. I don't particularly want to have to waste my energy in fighting you, because, to be honest, I've had enough. I've had enough of you VAMPIRES, and enough of MEN. So I will give you a choice: run now, and don't look back. Or I will kill you.'

I was really pissed off.

The vampire looked confused. I didn't blame him.

He ran at me. One swift maneuver had fatty on the floor. I had no mercy. I gave him the choice. A quick plunge into the heart, he was dust.

**Angel's POV**

I sat, unseen, watching my angel fight. This would have been an easy fight, the poor vampire- obviously newly born- had no chance. So why did she respond in such a way?

'**.. Run now, and don't look back. Or I will kill you.'**

That was not Buffy's usual way. She never would give a vampire a chance.

I sat watching over my love. She dusted the vampire, quickly and efficiently. She sank down to the ground, lifeless; like a rag doll. She was… changed. This wasn't my Buffy, she was a wreck. Buffy didn't look human, she looked lost and broken.

I couldn't leave my angel like this. There had to be some way, some reason, something I could do to help her.

As I pondered, I made my way to the only place I could go for help…


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Please review, I feel unloved. **

**Shout out to ****Rookss who beta'd this.**

**Big love to everyone who's read this, and fave'd it (:**

**xxx**

Chapter 4

No matter how much I had tried to put it off, there was no way I could avoid talking to Giles. He was my watcher, my Yoda. Sooner or later I would obviously have to talk through this with him.

Gathering up my courage, I decided it would be better to do it sooner, rather than later.

Sunnydale High's library was, of course, deserted. That was the way Giles and I preferred; of course it was beneficial to my double life. The library smelt of old books, a scent I did not favor. Giles liked it, for some reason. Some British thing I guess.

Giles was no where to be seen. I guessed he was in the stacks, so I settled on the library counter.

I heard Giles before I saw him.

'Genius, really. The volumes are amazing- honestly Gerry, I'd advise you to read them. I do,' His phone conversation sounded dull, even just hearing half of it, 'It's a thrilling read about Demons' relationships with vampires. Yes. Yes. Uh-huh. No! Obviously it is an improved version of Thomas César's _Demons and Vampires._ You cannot say that! Listen, Gerry you are-' Giles realized he had an audience and stopped, 'Err, Gerry, I'll have to call you back.'

He placed the cell onto the desk, and stared at me.

'Haven't seen you in school for a while, Buffy,' He said, softly, almost as if he were afraid to hurt me with a harsh voice.

'I know. I- err- have been having a few personal problems,' Giles studied my face, and waiting for me to carry on, 'I still have been being slayer-y. Patrolling a lot, you know- whatnot,' I was babbling.

'Buffy, I wasn't concerned about that. I may be your watcher, but I'm also your friend. I care about you. I'm concerned about you,' He sighed and then continued, 'You've lost your spark. It's like you're not there anymore. Talk to me. Let it out, for the sake of you!' Giles sat down, and motioned for me to join him.

I sat down. I tried to tell him everything, in a calm voice. But my voice betrayed me, and cracked. I stuttered over words; tripping over them. They wouldn't come out.

'Giles, at the moment I'm trying to keep from dying. I love him so much. This is worse than when he was Angelus, much worse. I can't do anything about it,' Giles face stared into mine, like he was trying to read me. 'Lie to me, please.'

Giles paused. He cleared his throat, 'Ok. Well Buffy, you can kill him, and then it will all be over. Your feelings will disappear, within a day or two, and you'll be ready for another date in time for prom. You will never think about Angel or whatever his name is again, and you'll marry without thinking of him.'

I smiled weakly.

'Liar.' I retorted.


End file.
